3rd place in Derby #221: Maps Redux!, with 681 votes!

All right, y’all, the Hero’s here. Let’s get this over with.

Here’s the three Perennial Polygons of Power everyone’s so crazy about. As you can see, I’ve also fetched the Destined Blade of Destiny which, of course, was pretty much picked up the exact same way the last Hero did the last time the kingdom was plunged into darkness for the umpteenth time. Of course, I had to defeat six huge monsters in six different temples to get their Joy Jewels or whatever to do it, not that anyone else cares. I could collect one hundred of these stupid things and save the world one thousand times more and those jerk merchants would still charge me two hundred and fifty coins for a potion that might save The Hero Of The Whole Stupid Realm’s life. Whatever.

And, oh look! It’s you again. Same old villainous you. Lovely. I suppose little Miss Kidnapped-A-Lot is around here somewhere, too, yes? Great. Good to know. So I’m guessing you’ve got a monologue prepared, am I right? Yeah, I figured. Well, get to it, I guess. The faster you get done, the quicker I get to my inevitable rejection by Princess You-Can-Be-My-Hero-But-Not-My-Boyfriend. You don’t mind if I just go ahead and load up the Crossbow of Light that the prophecy says will kill you while you’re talking, right? Didn’t think so.

Wear this shirt: if you don’t need a strategy guide to know what’s coming next.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re an NPC. Your clues should be much vaguer.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ve been there and back again. And again. And again. And again.”

We call this color: So Very Bo-Red With Questing

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