Shirts like this make our job harder.

Because, see, there’s so much happening here. A Lewis Carroll fan is going to immediately think of The Walrus And The Carpenter. And normally, we’d tailor the writeup around that. We’d write a clever poem all about the walrus and how he rode his bike because the sea was boiling hot and how he met a bunch of shellfish and their hilarious adventures and people would think we were clever and well-read and be happy with our work.

But today, you see, we’ve got that penny-farthing on a beach. And a whole bunch of people know the penny-farthing as the symbol of a very special TV show called The Prisoner. Which would be a great excuse to aim the writeup that way, and tell a story about a stylish walrus that quit his job and wouldn’t tell anyone why, and then went back to his ice floe only to be gassed and taken to a strange community that only addressed him by number. We’d explain how he tried to keep his individuality in the face of every obstacle, including those presented in the shape of the ever-changing crab jailers, who seemed to be reporting to some unseen higher power. And we think that people would also think that was clever and so be happy with our work.

That leaves us in a strange position. We’re not really sure what to do here. Help us out a little. What would you have done? This is a very difficult shirt related issue, we can’t solve it alone.

Wear this shirt: when you’re feeling a little steampunk, but not in the sort of way that would result in you dressing all goofy.

Don’t wear this shirt: on “Make Certain You’re Wearing A Drawing Of A Crab Today Day”. Technically, sure, you’re in the clear, but nobody’s going to notice that crab down there until you point it out, and they’ll all nod and agree but you’ll still end up being known as the guy who just didn’t want to try. And no one will sit at your table during the crabcake luncheon.

This shirt tells the world: “I say, old bean, goo goo ga joob and all that. Think we can make the match before the tea gets cold? I’d fancy that, rather would.”

We call this color: Doctor Walrus’s Miracle West Indies Crab Attractor Creme. It’s Certified!

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