1st place in Derby #224: In the Kitchen, with 1094 votes!

No one was prepared to see it, Chell,
That ending came so fast,
And nobody could have guessed

A catchy pop song waited
With a sweet robotic female singing
Pop songs after she had breathed her last

This franchise that just burst out of the dark
With inside jokes tied to a song

Now nerds all have this cake thing in their brain

And it’s wrecking what should now be
An unmatched design legacy
Of a game that changed its genre for all time
And soooo-

We’d like to ask that you give it a rest
And maybe we can save
Those ideas that we still need

Take that GLaDOS fanfic in your hand
And then throw it in the fire
And then leave

Of course the Portal games are very smart
But that isn’t what we’re saying now

You nerds must get this cake thing off your brains

For it’s ruining what could be
A bit of human history
Like when that guy used Sonic for a gene
I meannnnn-

We’re not telling you to not have fun
Go on, replay it
We’re just saying quit it with the song
You’ve overplayed it

And we know that you will whine and scorn
And say we’re persecutors, okay, do it, swell.
But listen, and we’ll share a little fact
Listen and we’ll share a little fact
Cake songs just don’t age so well

We only want to help you fans so you don’t lose it
We only try to steer you somewhat clear so you don’t ruin it
Because a tipping point is close to nigh
As all pop culture one day always dies

And if you’ve made the meme have its own life
Oh, if you’ve made the meme have its own life
Just like that little cube
You’ll end up fried

Please use the one minute fifty of instrumental to reflect on your regrets in relations the Companion Cube and how you don’t wish to see references to your favorite game be lost in the incinerator of time due to actions and inactions resulting from your personal decisions.

This franchise that just burst out of the dark
More than inside jokes tied to a song

But nerds all have this cake thing in their brain

And it’s wrecking what now could be
An triumphant design victory
Just please stop saying “The cake is a lie!”
But nooooooo!
We knowwwww!
You wonnnnnnnn’t!

Wear this shirt: because you missed a chance to buy this one. It’s perfectly understandable though. It was only on sale for 97 straight weeks. Anyone could have missed it.

Don’t wear this shirt: in the black forest. Especially not during hunting season! You should always wear proper orange vests so no one mistakes you for an animal.

This shirt tells the world: “Why does nobody ever make jokes about the other option? You know, the grief counseling? See? You want to talk about a lie? That’s the REAL lie in this game! And everybody just ignores it completely to talk about the cake! That’s exactly what they WANT you to do! Sheep! All of you, sheep!”

We call this color: And Somewhere Else Gordon Freeman’Slate For Work

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