Oral hygiene is very important. You should brush your teeth every morning before you start your day, every night before bed, and after every meal. Daily flossing will clean between teeth, as well as promoting healthy gums. A good mouthwash can help kill germs and bacteria in your foodhole and also serves as an emergency supply of alcohol when those busybody buttinskis you call “friends and family” empty your liquor cabinet into the trash for your so-called “own good.”

Steer clear of excess sugar. Get plenty of calcium. And try to avoid using your teeth to get your name in the Guinness Book—say by pulling a train, or eating a motorcycle—unless you really don’t have any other prospects at all. (Have you thought about that fingernail thing, where you just let them grow? That one doesn’t seem too hard.)

These simple steps, along with regular professional cleanings, will ensure the good people of Toothopolis can repel the Cavity Creeps and last out their siege.

Wear this shirt: with a bag on your head and google-eye pasties for a truly creepy effect.

Don’t wear this shirt: to work if you’re an oral surgeon. You freak people out enough as it is.

This shirt tells the world: ”...so I bit him!”

We call this color: Pearly Heather Gray

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