Good afternoon. I’m ACME Crimenet spokesperson Rhett O’Rick, and I have a brief statement from the director, after which I’m sorry to say I’m not at liberty to take any questions.

Early this morning, Carmen Isabela Sandiego, leader of a notorious international criminal organization, was apprehended here in San Diego by Crimenet agents working with information that had been provided to them by an elementary school student from Wisconsin. The student’s name is not being released at this time, but I can tell you that she’s a very bright young lady whose parents reportedly do not let her play any quote, funner, unquote, video games.

The arrest itself was fairly routine, and Ms. Sandiego is now in custody at an undisclosed facility. I can’t tell you the location, but I can say that she’s taking a book on rose gardening with her, and hopes to climb Mount Hood.

Mr. O’Rick, Mr. O’Rick! Given that so many of Carmen’s underlings have proven totally incompetent—and the fact that her name is actually “Sandiego”—how could this case possibly have taken so long to solve?

Sorry, no further questions at this time. I’ll have more information for you as soon as it becomes available.

This shirt was designed by: intaglio. That’s the designer’s name, “intaglio;” the shirt isn’t an intaglio design. Well… OK, you could say it’s “an intaglio design,” but only in the sense that “intaglio” is the designer’s username. This design will be screen-printed like all the others. Sheesh.

Wear this shirt: anywhere but San Diego, where you’ll want the variant that says “here.”

Don’t wear this shirt: around kids who are playing WITWICS. Spoilers!

This shirt tells the world: “I knew it all along.”

We call this color: Cranberry, Capital City Of The Commonwealth Of Australia.

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