1st place in Derby #100: Mystery, with 1073 votes!

For decades, people have claimed there couldn’t be a plesiosaur in Lake Huffenpuff. “To maintain the population, you’d need dozens of breeding pairs at least,” they say. “We have precise working food models for this lake,” they say, “and they don’t account for a predator that large.” “There’s never been an authenticated sighting,” they say, “nor has anyone ever found a corpse, some bones, anything.”

The other day, I was telling my friend Keith about the numerous times I’ve personally sighted Huffy, either while I was fishing, or boating, or just sitting on the shore eating hallucinogenic mushrooms. And Keith, he’s like: “Don’t you think your eyes could have been playing tricks on you? I mean, I’m sure you saw something, but it might have been a wake, or a school of fish, right? Sometimes you have to look to the simpler, more probable explanations first.”

And all of a sudden, I understood. The skeptics of the world—the Keiths and his ilk—they have it exactly backward. The correct explanation for the mystery of Lake Huffenpuff isn’t the one that’s most likely. It’s the one that’s least likely. And as soon as I can get my hands on a waterproof metal detector and a couple hundred pounds of herring, I’ll prove it.

Wear this shirt: over your steel hull, so no one will suspect you’re really an elaborate exo-suit operated by a crew of sugar gliders.

Don’t wear this shirt: in the penguin house at the zoo. You’ll only give them ideas.

This shirt tells the world: “I want to believe. Because it’s soooo cuuute.”

We call this color: Cryptid Creme

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