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Woodland Rescue

by ochopika


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Kelly Green
Limit 15 per customer
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2nd Place in Derby 269: Worst. Job. EVER, Editor's Choice!

Thank you for calling Woodland Insurance. Please have your policy number ready. If this is an emergency, then please follow along like everyone else. What, you think you deserve special treatment because you're in trouble? You think everyone else called to just chat? C'mon!

If you're calling to make a payment, press 1. If you're calling to review your policy, press 2. If you require roadside assistance, press 3. If you-

You've called Woodland Insurance, the leading insurance company for woodland creatures. Are you seriously next to a road? I mean, honestly?

No, don't press 1. We're past that. Let's talk this out. Please answer 'yes' or 'no.'

I'm sorry: was that 'know' or 'no.'


As in, the opposite of 'yes'?

Well, well, well. Look who's caught in a lie then. Mr. "I need roadside assistance" isn't even roadside. You know, next time maybe wait to hear the whole menu before making your select-

Oh, now you go and press 0, huh? Trying to get to an operator? What's wrong, did I get too real for you? Please answer 'yes' or 'no.'

No? Yeah right. You can't handle me. But whatever, just tell me what's your problem here, anyway.

Okay, so when you say 'I'm a turtle and I'm on my back,' are talking literally on your back, or metaphorically? Press 1 for literally. Press 2 for metaphorically.

You pressed 1 for literally. Are you sure you didn't mean to press 2 and your finger slipped? Please answer 'yes' or-

Oh, this 0 crap again, huh? You know what? Forget it! GOOD-BYE AND GOOD LUCK!

Wear this shirt: when you're in a jam. Turtles love jam!

Don't wear this shirt: when you're in a pickle. Turtles hate pickles!

This shirt tells the world: "I don't mind asking friends to help me move."

We call this color: Kelly Green? Be a doll and flip me over, won't you?

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Pantone Colors:
Black - White - 361 C - 153 C - 285 C - 443 C

Standard Brand:

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras/Nicaragua
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

American Apparel:

  • Slimmer fit (if you like a looser fit, order one size up from your usual size)
  • Fiber Content: 4.3 oz 100% Combed Ringspun Cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Sizing Chart:
Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 11.441s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 22% one year old
  • 67% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

What are Top Comments?

Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Woodland Rescue by ochopika
$11.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$11.00 $14.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.