WARNING: The wearer of this shirt risks a pummeling by near-sighted children. If you hear a chorus of “dale, dale, dale” anywhere in your vicinity, REMOVE THIS SHIRT IMMEDIATELY.

Want to freak out your fellow Cinco de Mayo partygoers? Switch the lights off, and give ‘em a gander at this shirt’s glow-in-the-dark ink!

It’s a sickening blue color inspired by a certain horrible rocker’s equally horrible blue-bottle tequila we once sampled. They’ll reel with astonishment, and also with regret that they had those last three margaritas.

When we first saw this x-ray piñata design, a thought occurred to us: If people really could see into piñatas without breaking them first, it would save the lives of a lot of paper-maché burros. Because people would have a look inside and go “oh, there’s just a bunch of nasty, petrified hard candy in there,” and spare the little critter a brutal bludgeoning.

Wear this shirt: to the radiology clinic for a few laughs. In general, we’ve found most radiology clinics run a laugh deficit.

Don’t wear this shirt: just on Cinco de Mayo. It’s also appropriate for ocho de Mayo, diecinueve de Mayo, veintiséis de Febrero and every other dia del año. You could wear it on cincuenta y seis de Noviembre, if there were such a thing—which our single semester of high-school Spanish leads us to believe there is not.

This shirt tells the world: “Baby, I swing like a blindfolded six-year-old.”

We call this color: Pinavyata

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