In space, no one can read your dumb write-up.

They say that, in space, no one can hear you scream. But think about it: screaming is the loudest kind of talking. That means, in space, you can't hear a lot things. For example:

• In space, no one can hear your excuse for why you didn't iron your pants.
• In space, no one can hear your impression of Paul Giamatti, which is too bad, because it's spot on. Seriously, I closed my eyes and I was like, "Mr. Giamatti?"
• In space, no one can hear your lengthy explanation of why no one can hear you scream in space, so save it, Einstein.
• In space no one can hear their alarm go off, which makes everyone like your neighbor in college.
• In space no one can hear a duck quack, so if you're like, "Who should I bring to space with me?" don't go with a duck, because seriously, a duck that can't quack? What's the point?
• In space, no one can hear you cry over spilt milk, but they might see you cry and then start laughing at you, but you wouldn't hear that, so without any sound, it might look like they're also crying over the spilt milk too, except without gravity, I don't know if you could even spill milk in space, so forget I said anything.
• In space, no one can hear you burp.

See, there's all sorts of stuff you can't hear in space. So why does screaming get all the credit?

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