2nd place in Derby #188: Double-Take Derby 12, with 949 votes!

We have this cat, see, and she’s really great. She’s uncommonly pretty, with long, fluffy, gray fur and expressive eyes. She’s got lots of personality. She’s in the top five percent of cats generally. We have no complaints about her.

Well, maybe one complaint. And it’s not a very big deal, really, in the scheme of things. It’s hardly worth mentioning. It’s basically nothing. But if we had to pick one thing we’d change about her—and the truth is we wouldn’t change a thing about her, honestly, but if we HAD to pick ONE thing—we might improve her grooming.

She has this tendency, see, to accumulate… uh…

Well, there’s no other way to say it: Dingleberries.

You know how a cat will walk up your chest while you’re slouched on the sofa, watching TV? And then turn around and wave its output valve in your face? Yeah, that’s a little gross even when the most fastidious feline does it. But at our house you can pretty much count on intimate facial proximity with kittycat butt-crusties on a nightly basis.

Now, on the one hand, we can forgive this hygienic oversight. After all, our own butts would be way less clean than hers if we had to clean them with our tongues. We would rather have the filthiest butts in history than lick them clean. (For starters, we’re not that flexible.)

On the other hand, this shirt has us thinking: Maybe we should get our cat a puppy pal. Dogs will lick anything!

Wear this shirt: even if you’re allergic to pet dander, as none of our inks are derived from feline sebaceous glands.

Don’t wear this shirt: as the basis for crude jokes. YOU KNOW THE ONES WE MEAN.

This shirt tells the world: “If you can’t lick ‘em, lick ‘em.”

We call this color: CATS by Andrew Lloyd Heather Gray (Ugh, That’s Terrible, Even For Us)

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