Ah, little lad, you’re starin’ at my fingers. Would you like me to tell you the little story of Right-Hand-Left-Hand? The story of Milk and Cookies?

C-O-O-K-I-E-S!

It is with this left hand that I hoist the treat that’s moist and warm and sweet!

M-I-L-K!

Y’see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has strength to reach right to the back of the fridge! The right hand, friends, the hand that holds the glass of milk!

Now watch and I’ll show you the Story of Life. These fingers, dear hearts, is always a-dunkin’ and a-soakin’, plungin’ them sweet, warm snacks into th’ cold, rich white drink.

Now watch ‘em!

Ol’ brother Left Hand—Left Hand Cookies is a’dunkin’—and it looks like that’ll be the end of the Milk!

But wait a minute! Waaaiit a minute! Hot dog, there’s more Milk in the fridge’! Yessiree! It’s Milk that lasted out! Old Left Hand Cookies is all et up and t’ain’t none remainin’!

This shirt was designed by: Andy Pitts, a graphic designer “who accidentally became the owner of what could be the only time machine in existence.” Andy’s available for freelance work, too, if your project calls specifically for the kind of designer who suffers from delusions of time travel.

Wear this shirt: for a trial period during which you give real serious thought to the question of whether to go ahead with that tattoo. It’s permanent, you know.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re vegan. Hold out for our H-O-N-E-Y-L-E-S-S S-E-S-A-M-E C-A-N-D-Y and R-I-C-E M-I-L-K version. Yeah, we’ll be right on that, you can just bet.

This shirt tells the world: “Told u I was a hardcore sugar fiend”

We call this color: A Is For Asphalt, That’s Good Enough For Us

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