We're unlikely to ever seen another Derby like this text-based one again. The relatively low threshold for entry meant that an unprecedentedly huge number of designs were submitted - so making it into the Honorable Mentions was tougher this week than every before. Here are the top contenders for, in effect, Shirt.Woot's first literary prize:
You Brought This On Yourselves by artulo
And yet you entered this one anyway...
And yet you entered this one anyway...
There is now. by emcee2k
Puts the "i" in "funniy".
Puts the "i" in "funniy".
I need more slide whistle... by cheesesandwich
And musical saw is the new slide whistle.
And musical saw is the new slide whistle.
sluggard by Josephus
Careful with the salt.
Careful with the salt.
That Reminds Me... by lunchboxbrain
See, it was back when I lived in Queens, right before Dinkins got elected, and they used to have these delicious little Spanish pastry things at this place up the street from me, you could get them any time, not just at breakfast time, anyway my Aunt Gloria knew the guy who sold the pastries and he was going to visit his family in Santo Domingo - or was it Santiago - whichever it was, he asked Gloria to keep an eye on the pastry stand for a few days and she said, well, my cat just had surgery so I'm staying home from work anyway, so I'll do it, because otherwise my boss would never give me the time off I'd need to really look after that pastry stand, what with the pastry gangs trying to shake everybody down, yeah, it's true, they just kept it out of the papers because they didn't want to start a panic, this was back when "wilding" was the thing to do in New York which meant the cops certainly did not want a pastry scare making things worse, and the Spanish guy says, well, we got an understanding with the gangs but if things get out of hand you just open this cage back here and my trained fighting lizard Manuel will come running out and attack the guys, those gang guys are afraid of one thing, and it's lizards - oh, wait it was San Diego where the guy's family lived, including has club-footed cousin that got onto 60 Minutes after she got this experimental surgery involving, I think baboon tendons and it let her walk again, although not as well as the original baboon. So then, uh, wait, what was I talking about?
See, it was back when I lived in Queens, right before Dinkins got elected, and they used to have these delicious little Spanish pastry things at this place up the street from me, you could get them any time, not just at breakfast time, anyway my Aunt Gloria knew the guy who sold the pastries and he was going to visit his family in Santo Domingo - or was it Santiago - whichever it was, he asked Gloria to keep an eye on the pastry stand for a few days and she said, well, my cat just had surgery so I'm staying home from work anyway, so I'll do it, because otherwise my boss would never give me the time off I'd need to really look after that pastry stand, what with the pastry gangs trying to shake everybody down, yeah, it's true, they just kept it out of the papers because they didn't want to start a panic, this was back when "wilding" was the thing to do in New York which meant the cops certainly did not want a pastry scare making things worse, and the Spanish guy says, well, we got an understanding with the gangs but if things get out of hand you just open this cage back here and my trained fighting lizard Manuel will come running out and attack the guys, those gang guys are afraid of one thing, and it's lizards - oh, wait it was San Diego where the guy's family lived, including has club-footed cousin that got onto 60 Minutes after she got this experimental surgery involving, I think baboon tendons and it let her walk again, although not as well as the original baboon. So then, uh, wait, what was I talking about?
Read up on these near-misses, because you'll be asked to grade them in our next Big Do-Over Derby. For now, all the action is over at our current Derby.