1st place in Derby #239: The Year You Were Born: Redux!, with 946 votes!

Oh, listen to you lot, whining about “DLC” and “frame rate issues” and “polygon texturing” or whatever else it is you spend all day on your internet forums complaining about. Back in my day you didn’t have to buy the next map pack, you had to track down the case and insert an entirely different floppy and hope the whole thing didn’t crash in the middle of it.

Frame rate? I spent hundreds of hours of my childhood playing Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? and Oregon Trail and that one Lord of the Rings game which was basically a trivia thing to get Bilbo to steal the dragon’s gold and I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure the frame rate on those games was, like, one.

You want to talk about muddy textures and terrible graphics? I gamed on a monitor with only one color: AMBER. And nothing looks good in amber, friends. Nothing.

Wear this shirt: While upgrading your old Mark-8 to take floppies.

Don’t wear this shirt: In the COD:MW3 lobby. They’re not gonna get it and they’re just gonna call you mean names.

This shirt tells the world: “My standards for what’s retro are pretty low.”

We call this color: I can store Olive my data on just 75,000 of these!

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