2nd place in Derby #239: The Year You Were Born: Redux!, with 694 votes!

No! I’ve sat peacefully through plenty of these friggin’ awards dinners, but not this one, folks. Every year, we get together to honor the “best and brightest” in our field, and every year I watch that mustached moron walk away with the big prize! Well, I’m tired of it!

Doesn’t it bother anyone else that he doesn’t do any real plumbing? I mean, he doesn’t even own a plunger! What kind of plumber doesn’t have a plunger?! That’s crazy!

Oh, but I know: you’re all seduced by his fanciful tales of jumping down giant pipes and running away from ghosts and saving princesses and all that crap. But have you ever noticed how all those stories involve eating various unidentified wild mushrooms? Isn’t that a little weird to anyone else? C’mon!

So, that’s why I’m issuing a challenge. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Giuseppe or whatever your name is. If you think you earned that award, you’ll grab a wrench and meet me at in the men’s room. Third urinal from the door. And don’t send your big green dino-dog to do your dirty work this time, you hear me?

Wear this shirt: underneath your tanooki suit.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you don’t like Mario shirts. Oh wait, you’re a Shirt.Woot customer. That shouldn’t be an issue.

This shirt tells the world: “I came, I plunged, I conquered.”

We call this color: Asphalt, enemy of Wasphalt.

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