Alright, alright, don’t knock the door down, I’m comin’. I swear, you adventurers are worse than the Prophet’s Witnesses around here, geez.

Well aren’t you folks adorable with your armor and your swords and what not. What’ve we got here, a cleric, a ranger, a thief, a couple fighters, and a wizard? Oh, excuse me, a “mage.” Boy, I bet you’re a lot of fun at the taverns.

Let me guess: You’ve all traveled vast distances and faced countless dangers on some great quest of varying importance concerning the kingdom, realm, or world, yes? And at some point, you jokers decided to put that little quest on hold because you heard some drunken “mage” prattle on about the legendary Sword of Baidarse being in the vague direction of the mountains to the north? Tall fella, right? Long chin beard, made sure you’d paid for his room and board for the night before drawing you that map to “the last man to ever wield its power?” I bet he said that last bit real mysterious-like, didn’t he?

Yeah, I don’t know what he said his name was, but his real name is Pothan Goosechaser. He’s an old friend of mine, and I use that term very loosely. He gets a kick out of dressing up like a wizard and duping some adventurers into paying his tab for “secret knowledge.” Fun for him, incredibly annoying for the guy who has to get up before the rooster crows and disappoint the poor schmucks he sends up here.

If it’s any consolation, it’s not the first time he’s done this. I get quite a few groups just like you four or five times a week, enough to keep the gift shop going. Sword of Baidarse snow globe, anyone? How about a printed shirt? It’s only a few gold pieces and at least you don’t have to go back empty-handed.

Wear this shirt: while clutching your dicebag for luck. Remember never clutch another player’s dicebag without permission.

Don’t wear this shirt: expecting your DM to give you any actual bonus for wearing it.

This shirt tells the world: “Role-playing shouldn’t only be limited to the bedroom.”

We call this color: That Old Black Magic

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