Okay, so, this vegan chili is made from soy, which comes from Japan, which has those Kobe cattle, which are used to make filet mignon, which is wrapped in BACON. And there’s pancakes, which are made from flour, which comes from wheat, which needs dirt and water, which make mud, which is where pigs live, which are made into BACON. And then there’s a jet airplane, which is made from metal, which is smelted in furnaces, which require an external source of heat, which is what you need to cook BACON. And then there’s the moon, which was visited by astronauts, who are known to drink Tang, which is served generally with breakfast, of which an essential component is BACON.

Wow. Guess it really is the center of the world.

Wear this shirt: if your name is Kevin. Seriously, Kevin, it’s like it was made for you.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a spider trying to save the life of your best friend through the power of marketing. Totally will sour the brand. For the campaign to be effective you must represent it at all times.

This shirt tells the world: “Have you seen my three buddies? They’re dressed like a lettuce and some toast. We’re hoping to pick up a real tomato.”

We call this color: If It Were Hot Enough For You To Cook An Egg On The Asphalt It Could Be Part Of This Nutritious Breakfast