Hey, Boss, about that sign in the break room? Can we talk in your office?
Listen, I know we’re trying to be “handy-capable” here at the Mart, but… doesn’t that guy creep you out? No? Not even a little? Because I gotta say, he’s always talking about crazy stuff with monsters and time travel and… well, sure, you’re right, half the employees at ANY minimum wage job will be into sci-fi and horror, but that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is he talks about it like he BELIEVES it!
And that thing with the evil book full of demons! What even is up with that? No, no, I’m not looking for a book review, I’m just noting that he brought this thing to work a week ago and suddenly he was fighting Angie in Women’s Shoes. I swear on my life, Boss, I saw it myself. He chopped her up while making these ironic one-liners about her dress. That’s her hand over in the jewelry case, even. The one with the ruby and garnet. Well, yes, it is a nice ring, but that’s not my point either.
Anyway, I do appreciate that you like to give chances to people who don’t often get them, like that guy in the rags who has to go in the back and take a “smoke break” every 99 minutes, but can’t we hire someone normal once in a while? It’s reaching the point that everyone but you and I are dead from some horrible accident that would never EVER happen to a protagonist! Okay, so, you’ll think about it? That’s all I ask boss, really. Now, where was that kid you wanted me to train? Over by the televisions watching wrestling? Wow, what a geekoid. What was his name again?
Parker, huh? At least I know I’ll be safe around a boring guy like him.
Wear this shirt: in Briscoe County. What? It’s a real place! In Texas! And Texas is hot, so you’ll want a short-sleeved shirt. It’s a very logical point we’re making here.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you think this image is how you ACTUALLY wash a chainsaw. We’re not taking the blame when you lose the other hand too.
This shirt tells the world: “Sometimes it helps to keep in touch with your high school friends.”
We call this color: A Banana-Colored 1973 Delta 88 Oldsmobile? Okay, But… Does It Come In Black?
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