2nd place in Derby #450: Freedom with 159 votes

Sorry boss, can't work today. I'm going to a baseball game. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Why? Because this is America, and it's my constitutional right to go to baseball game whenever I gosh darn please.

What's that you say? There's nothing about baseball in the constitution? Well, I disagree with you. Freedom of speech. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.

You see, as an American, it's my constitutional right to refer to my constitutional rights without ever having read the constitution. You don't believe me? Just read the constitution. Or don't. It's in there. Or it's not. Either way, it's true!

The thing about the constitution is that it was written before control-f. So if you want to know if something is in the Constitution, you have to read the whole Constitution, and as an American, it's my constitutional right not to have to do that.

Now make me some apple pie, please! I'm famished.

What did you say? No??? Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is America, boss, and it's the constitution that a man may demand apple pie at any time, the constitution in my head that is, which is the real Constitution, per the real Constitution, in my opinion.

Why is the room spinning?

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