Hon, do you feel the magic? I think I feel the magic. Would you check and see if the cats are loose?

Here at the Great Eighties Game Preserve, we try and provide a home for all the cartoon animals people just abandoned. I’m sure you saw Gary Gnu in the pasture near the snack bar on your way in, he’s getting old, but we try to give him a good life. If you follow the signs up our mountain, you’ll find the Teddy Ruxbin habitat area, and he’s in there with Kissyfur and some Gummi Bears right now while we expand. Feeding time is 1pm, if you want to watch. We do a big show, it’s always fun.

Over there is the tram station, it comes along every fifteen minutes, and that will take you straight to the Elephant Kingdom. Unfortunately King Babar will probably be doing paperwork today, but there’s a little pond close by where you can usually see the Ducktails cast. Word of advice, the old one can be a bit aggressive if you get too close to his money bin, so stay to the left of the fence at all times.

Our small mammals exhibit is behind you, it’s got the Rescue Rangers and the main characters from Sonic, and then our Beasts With Black Belts hall is just across from the gift shop. If you need anything, just ask a guide! And hey, have fun, okay? Because that’s what the Great Eighties Game Preserve is all about!

Wear this shirt: to transform your decayed form into something stylish.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a ho. OH COME ON WHEN ELSE ARE WE GONNA GET TO USE THAT JOKE

This shirt tells the world: “I qualify as educational under the Reagan Era guidelines.”

We call this color: At Least Clancy Brown Will Have Work

Back to top