They say in feudal Japan, there was a board game that was very popular. A roll of one through six, and the player would be eaten by a tiger. A roll of eight through twelve, the player would fall from the cliff. But if the player rolled a seven, he or she would find the most delicious strawberry they had ever eaten. And then, of course, the next turn probably would get eaten by a tiger or fall to their doom.

Board games aren’t supposed to cover all the experiences. What about the football player who was super hot in college and then hurt his leg, got super fat and now sells used cars? What about the geeky girl who couldn’t get a prom date and then became the CEO of a Fortune 500 company? What about that time you got hit by lightning and lost all your hair but got to go on talk shows and write a book?

The secret isn’t to run from the beginning or race to the end, the secret is to have fun along the way. And plus that strawberry isn’t even washed. Probably give you a disease or something. You ask us, tiger’s the way to go.

Wear this shirt: to irritate Darkseid. How about you justify your wardrobe, no-pants.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a zombie. Read the tag, this shirt is not for zombies. Or ghouls. Maybe a goblin could pull it off.

This shirt tells the world: “I put on this shirt while I was busy making other plans. Just kinda happened.”

We call this color: If I Can’t Use The Iron Want To Be The Brown Piece