Ah, nostalgia: whitewasher of the past.
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Boy that sure was a marketing blitz for TRON: Legacy, wasn’t it? You couldn’t watch TV for 45 seconds without seeing an ad. They had stupid pop-ups on every other website, and everyone made such a big deal about how great it was that they were finally making a sequel. And then everyone seemed genuinely surprised when it was incredibly terrible and made like $45 at theaters.
Well, ALMOST everyone. See, it’s never easy stating uncomfortable truths, but we’ve been biting our tongues too long.
There, we said it. And you know what? It felt good. That movie was terrible; the acting was stilted, the dialogue was ridiculous, and they expected you to swallow the whole premise on little more than a fancy light show. But wait long enough and even BAD memories become nostalgic. “Oh, TRON,” people say, “I vaguely remember that being a movie. I guess I must be excited for the sequel, then.” And off they go to the movie theater to waste $12 they could’ve gotten more excitement from if they had lit it on fire.
And then the studios make enough money that they can say, “Hey we made a profit and we didn’t even have to invest in things like clever writing or a unique idea! What else can we scrape up from the bottom of this barrel?” And thus the Monopoly and Battleship movies are racing to beat each other to the theater. Awesome.
So go ahead and enjoy your “nostalgia,” internet. We’ll be over in the corner, sighing heavily and waiting for the day 40 years from now when they digitally exhume Jeff Bridges’ corpse and hang him from some CGI strings to make him dance around for TRON: Reboot or whatever.
Wear this shirt: To other nostalgic cash-ins, like that Yogi Bear movie. That’s probably going to be great, too.
Don’t wear this shirt: When you’re getting sucked into an internet via laser or whatever. Jeez, that movie was stupid.
This shirt tells the world: “I have a fond memory for anything marketers tell me to.”
We call this color: No Need For It Navy
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