Put your monkey where your mouth is. Then pull down. That’s how you put on this shirt!

Happy? No, no, my friend, this is aggression. This is what you see when you come in to a hotel room unannounced at four in the morning and start screaming “ATTENTION: WE’RE ALL OUT OF BANANA PANCAKES.” while banging on a trash can lid.

When left alone, the chimp is… well, sometimes they kill each other and eat bush babies but for the most part, they’re pretty calm. But provoke them in that special human way, and you’ve got Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes all over again. A bit like when you tell a fat guy the local McDonald’s stopped serving breakfast ten minutes ago.

You know, maybe our two species aren’t that different after all.

Wear this shirt: around leopards and gibbons and those jerks in the other tribe from the lowlands. Bunch of jerks, coming around here and marking our territory. That’s our territory, we just marked that ourselves!

Don’t wear this shirt: if you refuse to learn sign language under any circumstances.

This shirt tells the world: “Fling your poo elsewhere lest you draw my ire.”

We call this color: Asphalt mit Schädel

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