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by ApeLad

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Dec 16 - Dec 17
  • Express - Estimated delivery Dec 13
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

We’re all just playing the game.

You look at me and see a simple artichoke. I look at you and I see right through you.

We waste our entire lives struggling in vain to convince ourselves we’re not gonna die. I see them struggle like ants on a hillside, their efforts just as futile. They collect things to convince themselves they matter: jobs, families, houses, cars. It’s all just material waste. Everyone has their own passions into which they throw themselves to turn away from the ceaseless gaze of the black abyss. They called Picasso a genius for his art.

Yet they call me a murderer for mine.

What truer experience can there be than death? To see, to know that your life is ending. I envy my victims, I do. For in that one instant, as their hearing fades to a hundred miles away and their vision collapses to pinpricks and their extremities start to tingle and buzz from the lack of blood flow, they know the universal truth. That life is the greatest gift we can be given, but you can never truly appreciate it until you’ve lost it.

And so I open their eyes to the horrible truth. I take life from them; they can only regret wasting the time they’ve wasted. After all, the universe is born of chaos. There can be no pattern, no rhyme or reason to the events that set our paths towards intersecting. And that’s the beautiful truth of it all. It’s random. I don’t select my victims, I don’t stalk them to learn their patterns or habits. I simply wait for the mood to strike me and the opportunity to arise.

And then, in some darkened alley or at some lonely bus stop, they’ll know me. And they’ll know the universal truth. And as I crush the very life from their throats, I’ll whisper into their ears, “I’m the Artichoker. And now you are free.”

Wear this shirt: In a brightly-lit, crowded place.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you’re actually stalking and murdering people. Not only is that bad, but a bright yellow shirt makes you conspicuous.

This shirt tells the world: “I would KILL for a good pun right now.”

We call this color: “Mister, please, you gotta lemon go!”

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 59.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 95% second woot
  • 5% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 10% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 18% one year old
  • 68% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 95% bought 1
  • 5% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

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Artichokey by ApeLad
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.