1st place in Derby #144: How Do They Work?, with 1157 votes!

“I didn’t know! I swear I had no idea! I just wanted to see how it worked!”

“You just had to break it open, didn’t you? You couldn’t just leave it alone?”

“I was curious!”

“And your curiosity just killed two tiny scientists!”

“They… They must’ve known the risks involved, right? Living in some plastic sphere, calculating probability day in and day out… That doesn’t come without consequences!”

“Maybe you can tell that to their tiny wives and children.”

“Oh, god. Look, Tommy! That one is still squirming! Maybe we can save him!”

“Pull yourself together, man! Don’t you realize what you’ve done? There’s no going back.”

“What are you talking about? We can’t just let him die!”

“And then what? We just let him go back to his little friends to tell them all about what happened? Exactly how long do you think you’d last in jail, Eddie? Days? Hours? The way I see it, there’s only one thing we can do now.”

“You don’t mean…”

“You remember when we overfed your mom’s goldfish, right? Gather up the bodies. These two are about to join Mr. Fins in his porcelain bowl tomb.”

Wear this shirt: when pondering the big questions in life.

Don’t wear this shirt: while getting your palm read.

This shirt tells the world: “You need an Eight Ball to go with that shake?”

We call this color: Signs Point To Asphalt

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