Look, we all know that the economy is kind of a big con game anyway. Good means that people are passing around a lot of money between each other. Bad means that a lot of people are holding onto that money. But you can make a difference. Here’s how.

First, you buy this shirt today. Then, you come back tomorrow and buy another one. Then you do the same thing every day for the next week. Before long, this will be the most profitable shirt in our history. Then we’ll expand. We’ll have to begin hiring new employees to keep up with the orders. But don’t stop buying yet! There’s still work to do!

After you complete a year of non-stop shirt buying, we’ll be considered one of the largest employers in the world. And then we’ll begin introducing our shirt removal service, where we’ll hire people to come to your house and haul away the few hundred shirts you’ve got just lying around. Those shirts will be melted down (opening new jobs in the melting sector) and made into bricks, which will be used to create official shirt.woot keychains and buttons, which will also then be sold back to you, creating more jobs.

After two years, the economic system will be completely saved, all because of you. And we’ll be living on a boat off the coast of Bermuda counting our money. That’s right, suckers. You got played! Or at least, you will have gotten played. Tell you what, don’t read this last paragraph just yet. Wait about two years. And happy shopping!

Wear this shirt: when playing Monopoly on Halloween.

Don’t wear this shirt: on El Día de los Muertos. The zombie speculators will be very upset that you’re interfering with their free market through propaganda.

This shirt tells the world: “Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think.”

We call this color: Black Whatever-Day-It-Is-Today