Tee Which is Not to be Named
3rd place in Derby #187: Retro Audio: Records, Tapes, and CDs, with 799 votes!
Hush! He comes! The Analog One! What fools we were to think he might slumber forever, forgotten to human history, buried beneath all the tons of inventory at the Salvation Army thrift shop!
What weird cults have tended to his restoration? Who are these reckless hipster youth in narrow breeches, wearing their hair in tangles and speaking the forbidden incantations that have wakened Cass-Set Teype, Lord of the Black Vinyl, Warper of Tones?
“Oidua latigid morf dnuos fo htmraw emas eht teg t’nod uoy,” they chant! “PL SERIW DNA SMURD eht fo seipoc dnasuoht-ytnewt tsrif eht htiw emac taht elgnis hcni-neves eht nwo I!”
They tattoo each other with styluses! They anoint Cass-Set Teype’s playback head in effigy with isopropryl alcohol!
What lunacy afflicts these sects? Why would they seek to disinter the Tape-God? They know not his impatience for track-skipping! They remember not his capricious bent! He might serenade his worshipers one minute with “Never Tear Us Apart”—and the next, visit capricious destruction on their car stereos, ensnaring the heads in his magnetic tentacles!
Doomed, alas! We are all undone!
Would that they could have simply let the creature sleep!
Wear this shirt: to the Mistress of the Abyssmal Slime show; we hear The Twin Blasphemies are opening.
Don’t wear this shirt: expecting anyone to know what your deal is. How big do you suppose the group actually is of Lovecraft fans that overlaps with analog recording format enthusiasts?
This shirt tells the world: “New audio formats are fine, but there’s nothing like the Great Old Ones.”
We call this color: Bugg-Shashphalt
Back to top