2nd place in Derby #123: Christmas & Holiday Songs Illustrated with 749 votes!

So lets recap, Donald. On the first day of Christmas, you gave me a bird, and a tree. You gave me a bird and a tree, knowing I live in an apartment. But then you go on and top that, and over the rest of the week, you give more birds. More birds! Twenty two birds, Donald! Did you just forget I live in an apartment?

But thank God you did, because I hadn’t been shopping, and all that poultry came in handy when, at top of the week, I got a knock at the door. I open it up, and, Donald, do you know what I found? I found eight women, who all say you’ve sent them to me. I say “No, there’s surely some mistake.” and they say “Sorry, here’s the paperwork!”

Donald, sure, if it’s something you really wanted to do, I might have been okay with one of them, but… eight? What kind of woman do you take me for? And then, the next day, nine more? And the day after that, ten men? Donald, right now there are fifty people at my house, Donald! Fifty people I was not expecting to be playing host for! And once those swans and geese and french hens and whatever are finished, there’s no more food! No food at all! Where do I get the money to feed fifty people, Donald?

Look… I think this is it for us. I really loved you, but now… I just can’t take this. I hope your next girlfriend is the bird-loving swinger you seem to so desperately want. Here. These five rings are yours.

Wear this shirt: until January 5th. After that, back in the drawer for a year.

Don’t wear this shirt: after January 5th. What, are you just not reading? How could it be any clearer? Don’t mess about, sonny, or we’ll cuff you one.

This shirt tells the world: “Hey, do you have to have a receipt to do a return? Oh, really? Wow. That’s… unfortunate.”

We call this color: Gary Grass Mass. Gan Ga Gappy Goo Gear.

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