“Well, precious daughter, every night, she flies back to her Tooth Fairy tower where she cares for each and every tiny baby tooth in her own special way. Until she sells them on the black market.”

“Nuh UH.”

“Yes huh, I’m afraid. The teeth of children are quite the illicit commodity. Sure, illegal weapons, drugs, and stolen works of art are probably the most popular, but baby teeth are definitely in the top ten.”

“But but but… why would she sell them?”

“Sweetie, you don’t honestly think she just magics that dollar you find under your pillow out of thin air, do you? Homegirl’s got to earn those funds somehow. You’d be surprised how many people in this world that are more than willing to pay big money for access to her tooth supply. Mad scientists. Tribal Shamans. Trolls. Lawyers.”

“L-L-Lawyers?!”

“Oh, sure, pumpkin. They’re the biggest buyers. They take all those little baby teeth, all of them bursting with the innocence and dreams of children just like you, and they grind them up into a fine powder. Some of the powder goes into the tiny cakes that they eat to fuel their dark souls with untold power. Most of it, though, is mixed with water and made into a paste which is used to coat the throne of their Shadow King.”

“WaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

“Sorry, kid. I felt the same way when I found out, too. Just wait’ll you hear what the Easter Bunny does for cash.”

Wear this shirt: to the dentist’s office. Maybe you’ll get some extra floss after your visit.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you still nightmare about pieces of string and doorknobs.

This shirt tells the world: “Cute, huh? And remember that time dad ripped one out of your skull? How cute was that?”

We call this color: Open Up And Say Baby Blue

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