Private, you get out there right now and tell those Nazis why the man threw the clock out of the window!

Listen up, soldiers! Today might be the most difficult day of your lives! In just a few short hours, you boys are going to stand up, march out, and become men.

I’m not saying it won’t be hard. I’m not saying it won’t tear you up inside. I’m not saying that you’ll come home with the roof of your mouth completely free from scars. But I have faith in all of you. I know that when you bite down, it won’t matter how tough and solid and chalky it is, you’ll keep right on pushing through. And when you finally feel everything give way, and you know you’re at the point where everything starts to get easier… well, enjoy that flavor, because in a few seconds, everything’s gonna taste like plastic again.

Oh, and after you finish your cheap bubble gum, we’re attacking the beach. But we’ve still got some time! Who wants to read their wrapper aloud, huh? Should I go first, or does somebody else want to?

Wear this shirt: if you’re part of the Big Red One.

Don’t wear this shirt: on a Trident sub.

This shirt tells the world: “At least it’s not cigarettes.”

We call this color: Olive Camouflage

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