Well, it’s sort of like the salmon, really.

You know how salmon all hang out all year in nice comfortable ponds, just swimming around, and then, out of nowhere, all suddenly start racing back upstream to mate before they die? Well, it works very much like that.

Honestly, it’s not hard to figure out. What eats salmon? The black bear! And who lives upstream of everything? The polar bear, at the very tip of the world where Santa keeps his castle and has a giant waterfall that gives us all our fresh water! And so, once a year, the black bear follows the salmon to the polar bears house, and they have dinner and talk about old times, and then one things leads to another and pow! At the spring thaw the Chinese send a boat to pick up some new pandas.

Say, you know, I just had a thought. I bet that waterfall near Santa’s castle has the freshest, best tasting water in the world. Tell you what, you go find some bottles, I’m going to the flea market to buy some ammo and a sled. You and me are taking a little investment trip up north.

Wear this shirt: to be bear chested.

Don’t wear this shirt: from late September until December, depending on your local game laws.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m three times smarter than average!”

We call this color: Grass Is Not Generally Part Of A Healthy Bear’s Diet

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