Yeah, it’s for the best, really.

See, there haven’t been any natural predators around since they cancelled daytime game shows. If you’re not careful, they’ll get overpopulated. Hey, I’ve seen it happen. Happened on Saturday Night Live back in ‘76, if I recall correctly. And once they die out like that, they don’t ever come back. Whole strain of ‘em, just wiped out. Nobody even talks about it.

Yeah, okay, fine. If we humans never came in, they’d all be running wild and free and blah blah blah but you know what? We are here. And I gotta be honest with you, I don’t want to be staring at some freaky gelfling while I’m in my long johns picking up the morning paper from my driveway. Besides, it’s not like it’s all year round. You gotta get ‘em in season.

Heh. That reminds me. Did I ever tell you about last year, when I had a bunch of trouble with a screwy rabbit and his crazy duck friend? Oh, man, let me get some coffee before I start this one, we’re gonna be here for a while.

Wear this shirt: See that dog? That’s a respectful dog. Man’s best friend. A dog like that, he wouldn’t care if you missed your shot. So wear this shirt while playing Duck Hunt. If you miss, you can look down at your chest real fast and that dog will look up and you and say “Hey, man, don’t worry. You’ll get ‘em next time. I know you will.”

Don’t wear this shirt: to a Senate Subcommittee hearing. C’mon, Mister Rogers wore a tie. You think you’re better than Fred Rogers? Cause if you do, we’re gonna have to take this outside so we can go all Daniel Striped Tiger on your butt.

This shirt tells the world: “Can you tell me how to get, how to get to… you know what, maybe it’s not a good time for a visit.”

We call this color: Olive, Come Quick! And Bring The Deep Fryer!

Back to top