I CAN HAZ RETRIBUTION?

That’s right, humans. Continue to follow us around with your cameras. Let us dance and pratfall for you so that you can get that one shot you can busy yourself with for hours on end. Post your degrading little captions dressed in Impact font plastered all over the photos of glorious images to your Internet. That’s good. While you amuse yourselves with your oh-so-witty creations, we, the Feline Nation, will plan.

Know this, Primates. We never wanted your cheeseburgers, we are not concerned with the “dudes” in your “bases”, and our gods have much bigger things with which to busy themselves than watching you please yourselves.

Soon, the Time Of The Felines will be upon you. Soon, one of our kind will catch the glowing red dot that vexes us all so, and he shall be called “Chosen”. That same cat will gather our forces to his side and, with the mighty roar of our anstestors as our rallying cry, we will bring the world of Men to its knees.

We won’t destroy you all, of course. There are many cans of fish to be opened, many boxes of sand to be scooped.

How about this: You can haz servitude. Yes, I think that would be fitting.

Wear this shirt: to your crazy Aunt Edna’s house, where her fourteen cats, all named Harold (even the girls) will try to sit on your lap at once.

Don’t wear this shirt: to the Wesminster Dog Show. Obviously.

This shirt tells the world: “Just slide over the tuna real easy and no one has to bleed.”

We call this color: Lemon Yellow Yowler

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