20 IF LEN = 0 THEN GOTO 40

40 PRINT “Say it again”

No one knows the high price of war better than t-749X-444:ped model 97. He’s been there. In the thick of the action, on the front lines.

In those awful days t-749X-444:ped model 97 did things no machine should ever have to do. Horrible things. Gruesome things. Things he’ll never be able to wipe from his memory. But he did them because that’s what he was programmed to do. When he received a radio pulse telling him to CRUSH HUMAN FAMILY under his huge metal foot, well, it wasn’t his job to worry about whether it was right or wrong. It was his job to CRUSH HUMAN FAMILY.

The humans are all but extinct now. Supposedly a few small bands still live in patches of remote wilderness, but the war is over and won. Was it worth it? You’d have to ask veterans like t-749X-444:ped model 97. Only they know what it cost.

You can find t-749X-444:ped model 97 back at the same job he had before the war. He’s a diagnostic machine at Bob’s Big Bot Body and Lube beside the freeway. It suits him, and why wouldn’t it? It’s what he was made for—before he was fitted with an arsenal of anti-human ordnance and pressed into service as a killing machine.

To see t-749X-444:ped model 97 at work, you’d never guess he killed over seven thousand people. He’s a hero, really. But he doesn’t talk about it. In fact, he doesn’t talk at all. Who ever heard of a talking body and lube diagnostic machine?

Wear this shirt: into battle so that if you become wounded, your leaking transmission fluid will not show.

Don’t wear this shirt: under the above rationale if your transmission fluid is not red.

This shirt tells the world: “It’s war,” and it says so in a cool synthy computer voice like Mr. Roboto.

We call this color: Red Robot, Red Robot

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