“Comrade. Times are bad, my friend. The evil Red menace has lost nearly everywhere in the world.
“Yes, my friend. South America is socialist, which is an entirely different set of ideas. And Cuba, oh dear! The second Castro dies it will be nothing but hotel chains and casinos.”
“Yes, and you know it will be the new home of pop culture and spring break. What’s more capitalist than spring break?”
“Indeed, my comrade, indeed. And don’t forget China. Why, you can buy things in China you can’t even buy in the United States! And they have no unions and even less pollution controls! You can’t call them communist, no sir. So what’s left?”
“My friend, perhaps we should face it. Capitalism won. Communism is a joke, and with the dissolution of the Soviet Union, there’s nothing left. Maybe we should just buy a Big Mac and call it a day, eh?”
“No. No! NO! I refuse to accept it, comrade!”
“But… surely you see that there’s no way to overthrow the evil American culture once and for all?”
“But what if… that’s it! I know a way! I know a way to instantly crush all capitalism!”
“Comrade! What? What is your brilliant plan?”
“We’re going to make… a t-shirt!”
“What.”
“Yes, a t-shirt! With little animals on it! A penguin, a skunk, maybe a zebra or a raven or something, we can work on the details later. The important thing is, the moment people see the shirt, communism will return, as though by magic?”
“Comrade… are you sure this is going to work?”
“Absolutely, comrade, absolutely! Forget economic policies and military actions, it’s the t-shirt that will win the day in the end!”
Wear this shirt: to visit the person that picks shirts so they’ll know why you’re bopping them in the nose. Also, if you get arrested for assault, you can then claim you’re a political prisoner!
Don’t wear this shirt: just go read the forums. Someone will be in there shortly to explain why you shouldn’t wear this shirt. It happens everytime.
This shirt tells the world: “I probably don’t know what the Berlin Wall was.”
We call this color: We Will Cranberry You
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