In all the rumors of you’ve heard about the existence of the former pro-wrestler turned paranormal exterminator, only one detail was constant: the skull of ghosts with the golden grill.

There are perhaps hundreds of stories that attempt to explain why he wears it. Some say he keeps a running tally of the fiends he’s destroyed with his Supernatural Suplex there on the front. Others say the metallic ink of the “teeth” is imbued with mystical properties that allow him to slip out of the Sleeper Hold of Doom. Still others claim that he’s been cursed to wear it for the rest of his life after defeating the Devil himself in a Cage Match in Hell. Whatever the reason, you will know your journey is complete when you see him sitting there in the darkest corner of the small Mid-Western bar you’ve traveled through the night to find.

When you reach his table, he won’t speak to you. You won’t even be able to see his face, though perhaps that’s for the best. Ask if he is the man known as “Spirit Crusher”. He will not answer. He’ll only nod and point to the chair across from him.

As you sit down, proceed to tell him everything. Tell him about the old book you found in your grandfather’s attic. Tell him about the strange words that, when read aloud, unleashed a nightmare into being. Tell him about the shadow that captured your children and took them into the spirit world. Tell him about how your wife was turned to stone and about the thing that used to be your dog before it was corrupted by pure evil. As you begin to tell him about the awful thing that crawled out of the mayonnaise in your refrigerator, The Spirit Crusher will get up from his seat and crack the knuckles on both his hands.

“So I guess that old bell’s a-ringin’ again. You were right to tag out when you did, brother. The Squared Circle Of The Dead is no place for an amateur. But don’t worry. You ain’t been pinned yet. Now let’s get back in that ring and get B. R. Utal on ‘em.”

Wear this shirt: to a Pac-Man competition.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you think one of the ghosts depicted on the front may be a friend or loved one.

This shirt tells the world: “When there’s no room left in Hell, the dead shall get straight up krunk in this piece.”

We call this color: Asphalt and Blinggery

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