We thought we were scared when Medusa came to town. We didn’t know what scared was.

Turns out Medusa was just the tip of the fright-berg. Every few minutes a new beastie appeared on the scene. A dragon thing. A gillman. A giant ape. Et cetera. Each additional monster upped the fear ante to the point where we were all pretty much going out of our minds.

Now there’s a whole Fangoria coverghoul reunion going down on Main Street, and we wonder how much more scared could we be? And the answer is none. None more scared.

But then it happens. The monsters combine like the constituent lion-bots of Voltron to form a huge, horrible death’s head right at the center of the downtown development district, and the spectacle is so scary I think my eyeballs are melting. Its teeth are squiddy tentacle-tail things. Its nasal apertures are the dead eyes of an alien Grey. I’m totally freaking out.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it’s going to be bad, I can tell. A pan-dimensional cadre of freak-beasts does not assemble in the shape of a skull to announce Free Quesadilla Day at Sunnyside Tacos. Tell my family I loved them. Feed my fish for me.

And when all this is over, make sure my mom knows, despite any evidence the police crime scene crew discovers to the contrary, that I absolutely did wear clean underwear today, just like she always told me to.

Wear This Shirt: as a pithy rejoinder to that “fear itself” bull you hear people spout sometimes. There is LOTS ELSE to fear, y’all.

Do Not Wear This Shirt: without clean underpants.

This Shirt Tells The World: “Alas, poor amalgamation of the world’s most horrible monsters”

We Call This Color: The Black Death

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