Can you imagine if they made animal crackers like this? Not those cheap ones that taste like paste and saltines, we’re talking the real graham flour animal crackers that come in the teeny box with the animals on the side. Imagine that taste with these shapes. Wouldn’t that be brilliant?

But the answer to that question is no. No, that would not be brilliant. That would be a Sophie’s Choice of a snack, having to decide between keeping the flying bear and the one horned eye patch monster or eating the flying bear and the one horned eye patch monster. You’d either be hungry and surrounded by beauty or satiated in an cold, ugly world. That’s no choice for a human being to make. That’s no choice at all.

This shirt was designed by: Filipino artist Christian San Jose. He’s simultaneously an astonishingly religious name, a really good idea for a divided city in some video game about pirates, and a solid title for an indy rock band’s third album. Your parents did good, Christian. As did you, when you designed previous shirt The Madness Of Miss Stereo. The rest of you, go check that one out as well!

Wear this shirt: when you march over to the shirtsonsale.info offices to kick them in their big whiny butts for trying to tell us that “Trijilloplex” isn’t a word. IS SHIRTSONSALE IN THE DICTIONARY YET? NO? WE DIDN’T THINK SO!

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re against unseemly cross-site battles because you saw enough of that when you were stationed in India as a lad.

This shirt tells the world: “That one eyed whale is totally coming on to you.”

We call this color: Matthew Barney’s Cremeonster Cycle

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