3rd place in Derby #224: In the Kitchen, with 894 votes!
Yes, Mr. Cereal Company Customer Service Representative, I have quite a few concerns about your product! I thought this was supposed to be part of a child’s complete breakfast, but I don’t believe I’ll be feeding this to my children ever again. Why? Oh, I’ll tell you why!
First off, my youngest, Nathan, bit into one of the pieces – looked to be mushroom-shaped – and he hasn’t settled down all day. He just keeps sprinting up and down the hall. But, to be totally honest, he’s the least of my problems!
Sarah, the middle child – she picked out just the flower pieces. Then, shortly after she finished her bowl, she started complaining that it felt like her mouth was on fire. I figured the cereal must just be spicy – which seems odd, but still more probable than what happened next, which is that she started spitting fire! She just about torched my blouse with one powerful belch.
That’s when I started to think “these kids need to go to the hospital.” But when I went to go grab my car keys, they weren’t where I’d left them. Then, from behind me, I heard my oldest, Brandon, say “Looking for these?” because he’s the big jokester of the family. Sure enough he had the keys in his hand… which, by the way, was glowing and changing colors! His whole body was! Well, I chased him around for a bit, yelling that this is a serious matter, but I could barely catch up with him. And when I finally did and laid my hand on his shoulder, some unknown force knocked me clear to the ground.
So basically, Mr. Cereal Company Customer Service Representative, what I want to know is WHAT THE HECK IS IN THIS STUFF?
Wear this shirt: If you’ve been waiting so, so long for Shirt.Woot to sell a Mario-themed shirt, and now it seems as though luck has smiled upon you! And also, you have amnesia.
Don’t wear this shirt: to an IHOP. Little known fact: Bowser is actually majority shareholder.
This shirt tells the world: “When it comes to breakfast, I’m a power eater.”
We call this color: Kelly Green, which is less accurate and harder to work with than red.
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