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Calorie Burning

by walmazan

$19.00 + free shipping
Kelly Green
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Dec 01 - Dec 02
  • Express - Estimated delivery Nov 29
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members


3rd place in Derby #166: Things That Start With the Letter C, with 983 votes!

17 days. 17 days I sat in the back of that fridge. Alone. Forgotten. Left to mold and rot, just like my wife and our baby carrots. And while I sat in that dark crisper, while your so-called “God” let me stew in the dark and the cold with no hope of rescue, my plan hatched.

I began compiling the scraps of mushrooms, leftover pasta noodles, and chicken blood into a weapon. A weapon of vengeance.

It took a long time, Cupcake. A long time to crawl out of that drawer. A long time to wait for that refrigerator door to open. A long time to make my way up the counter to find you and your gang here.

I’ll tell you what didn’t take long, though. It didn’t take long gutting and cutting my way through your cronies. Ice cream certainly couldn’t take the heat. Turns out Doughnut didn’t need any more holes in him. And Fried Chicken. Fried Chicken never even saw it coming. I’ll admit; it was over too soon. I should’ve savored the kills.

But I’ll take my time with you, Cupcake. I’m gonna make this nice and slow.

Once Candy Bar and Cookie are out of the way, I’m gonna move inch by inch. You’re going to feel that frosting come off sloooowly. I’m gonna cut your muffin top off and feed it to you, Cake. But I’m not gonna kill you.

I’m gonna come back this time next year, and I’m gonna do it again. And the year after that. And the year after that. And every year I’ll find you, wherever you are, and I’ll take a piece. I’ll take a piece for each of my baby carrots mushed in that bag. I’ll take a piece for every cry, scream, and sigh from my wife. I’ll take my revenge, but most importantly I’ll make sure you never forget me.


Wear this shirt: While cooking your own healthy, locally-sourced, organic meals consisting of mostly vegetables with some fish or maybe a small portion of red meat once a month or so.

Don’t wear this shirt: To your dialysis appointment.

This shirt tells the world: “Gee, I’d sure like to set those pastries on fire over there, but I’m way too far away to get the job done.”

We call this color: Caloric Kelly Green

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 18.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 9% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 4% one month old
  • 26% one year old
  • 60% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

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Calorie Burning by walmazan
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.