Carrots can help your eyesight, but is that the full story? No. Not at all.

We couldn’t do it.

They wanted us to push this shirt promoting carrots without mentioning any of their potential dangers and negative side effects, but we couldn’t do it. We don’t care how large the check was from Big Plantae, we need to tell the truth. So yes, while carrots can help eyesight (and some even believe it can help develop night vision), they are, in other ways, extremely dangerous. Here are the facts:

• Reaching down to pick up a carrot off the ground may cause your skin to break out in a painful, itchy rash, especially if the carrot is next to some nettles.
• Fresh carrots produce a cracking/popping sound when bitten into, which can trigger post traumatic stress syndrome in those nearby.
• Carrots have been found on plates in houses where people have died.
• A bundle of carrots may look like flames to a person with very poor eyesight, which might lead him or her to call the fire department, which would lead the fire department to waste fuel when responding to the call, which could lead to unnecessary tax hikes.
• Conversely, to someone with poor eyesight, a bundle of carrots that’s been soaked in gasoline and set ablaze may appear to be just normal carrots due to their naturally flame-like hue, and so, a) the fire will go unnoticed, or b) the person will attempt to eat the carrots in order to improve said poor eyesight, thus leading to severe burns in and around the mouth.
• And finally, carrots are only good for eyesight when consumed correctly. They can be very harmful to eyesight if the eater attempts to consume them through the eye sockets.

Wear This shirt: if you don’t mind being the kind of person who’s always saying, “Guys! Guys! Turn off the lights! You gotta see this!”

Don’t wear this shirt: because carrots, as established above, are the root of all evil.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m so underground that I can see in the dark.”

We call this color: Olive, another evil vegetable that we will take down in the future.

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