This is the Purr Palace LS. It’s got EVERYTHING.

We’re talkin’ scratching post, kitty landing pad, fun little burrows, the works. Now with your current credit rating and our special APR rates through our annual “One Month ‘til Furbruary” blowout sale, we can get you home and watching kitties scratch for just $458.

“Oooh, wow. That seems a bit high to be honest.”

Well I assure you for $458 a month you’re getting the very best-

“I’m sorry, did you say ‘a month?’”

Certainly. With our amazing financing rates your payment would be $458 a month for 72 months, minus the $3,000 cash required at signing.

“Are…are you SERIOUS? That’s over $30,000!”

We like to say that it’s UNDER $40,000! But in reality, with all the finance charges and interest and whatnot it’ll probably be over.

“Why would ANYONE ever pay that for a STUPID TREE FOR CATS TO PLAY IN?!”

Ma’am, no other Purr Palace on the market today comes with the variety and quality of felines we offer. We stand by that.

“Wait, the cats come with it?”

Yes ma’am! Of course! I’m no swindler! What you see is what you get!

“Even the tiger?”

Certainly. That’s what makes it the “LS” model. Stands for “long and stripey.”

“Don’t I need a permit or something to have a tiger?”

Now ma’am, I may be a simple cat tree salesman, but I pride myself on honesty and integrity. I live by the only rules that mean anything in this crazy day and age: the word of the lord.

“I don’t see how that really relates to my-”

Well the good lord ain’t never said nothin’ bout ownin’ no tigers bein’ illegal in the state of Delaware. You feel me?

“Where do I sign?”

Wear this shirt: When cuddlin’ wid yo’ kittehs!

Don’t wear this shirt: To our house afterward. Jeez, you look like a roadkill yeti. Don’t you have one of those lint-roller things?

This shirt tells the world: “I don’t see why everyone has to preface the term ‘cat lady’ with ‘crazy’. Do you?”

We call this color: Calico Creme

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