1st place in Derby #251: Personality Defects Illustrated, with 779 votes!

An ant and a grasshopper lived in the same field together. All summer the ant toiled, collecting grain and storing it for the future. The grasshopper, on the other hand, danced and sang throughout the summer, laughing at the industrious ant. “Why do you work so hard?” the grasshopper asked. The ant said nothing, but attached his jaws to the weak points in the grasshopper’s exoskeleton. He worked his jaws back and forth, slowly dismembering the grasshopper who struggled but finally succumbed to the ant’s persistence.

Moral: Hard work always pays off.

There was once a proud hare who claimed to be the fastest creature in the world. One day a tortoise challenged him to a race. The hare laughed but agreed. They started the race, and the hare sprinted off into the distance, while the tortoise began its slow amble. The race was a short one, and the hare won easily.

Moral: Hares are faster than tortoises.

There was once a fox who lived in the forest. One day, the fox spied a bunch of grapes high up on a vine. The fox struggled to get to the grapes, but was unable to reach them and eventually gave up. “Oh well, I’m sure they were sour.” The fox would have said, but animals are incapable of speech or abstract thought.

Moral: Animals are dumb.

Wear this shirt: to absorb its lesson via osmosis.

Don’t wear this shirt: to show a satyr that it both warms and cools.

This shirt tells the world: “A wolf! A wolf! Come quickly! JK JK JK.”

We call this color: The Fables of Ancient Grass

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