You know, I rarely ever do this on the first date, but I’m really feeling a connection with you.

I’ll admit, I was a little disappointed when we went back to your place just to pick up your big white moving truck. Maybe disappointed is the wrong word. “Confused” is more like it. I was little confused. What’s that? Turn left here. Alrighty.

That confusion only grew when we drove two hours out of the city to that cattle ranch, I’ll be honest. But we had a lovely conversation on the way out there, didn’t we? I don’t think I’ve ever opened up to someone quite like I did as we cut the chain on that barn and stole that bull. Yeah, okay, a right at the light? Gotcha. Anyway, I feel like we really shared a moment back there when the farmer started shooting at us and we raced off at top speed, don’t you?

Look, I just want to tell you that tonight has been really magical and… Did you have that sledgehammer a minute ago? I’m sorry, what did you just say? You mean the china shop we just passed? Crap. I’ll turn the truck around. Gimme a second. Should I pull up right in front? Okey dokey.

Anyway, like I was saying, I know you just got out of a relationship, but I would really like to kiss you right now. You will? Really?! Well then, I’ll, uh, just wait here with the motor running until you do whatever it is you need to do here. But I’m going to expect some smooching when you get back!

Wear this shirt: when you want to smash the world into tiny pieces.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re feeling broken.

This shirt tells the world: “Fancy little shop you’ve got here. It’d be a shame if something happened to it.”

We call this color: Another Forced Joke Using Asphalt In The Place Of “His Fault”

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