Yeah, we know. You think it just looks cool. But one day you’re gonna be there at the bus station and forget you have it on and there’ll be a tap on your left shoulder. And standing behind you will be a guy dressed like Iron Fist, only he’ll be holding three sheets of paper and a mechanical pencil. And when that happens, you’ll either have to design a circuit… or die.

A shirt like this isn’t about fashion. It’s a sign. It’s a message to the world that you’ve seen some things, you’ve done some other things, and you’ve lived through a third kind of thing that would make most people wet their pants and run shrieking back to their mother after a brief stop at a Crate And Barrel to buy a heavy comforter under which, after a few brief hellos with the family, they plan to hide.

So don’t just buy this shirt because you think it looks great. Buy it because you know you deserve it. And never dishonor it with mustard or cranberry juice. That would shame us all.

This shirt was designed by: toe2254. He’s actually William Densmore from Milton, Florida, which is exactly the sort of place where you’d expect the people to have 2,254 toes. He also became an artist after working as a cook at Pizza Inn, which is sort of like how World War One shaped Picasso except no one at a Pizza Inn ever spoke French. Well done, William!

Wear this shirt: if you work anywhere in the multi-billion dollar tech industry. That’s probably a big enough market, right?

Don’t wear this shirt: if you work in Fort Knox. There are like five different reasons you should notice right away. And if you don’t, you probably don’t work for Fort Knox.

This shirt tells the world: “Trolling is really a type of martial art if you think about it.”

We call this color: My American Cousin, The Chocodile, Is Full Of Creme

Back to top