See this is what I don’t get: it’s perfectly OK to walk around advertising totally addictive, murderous vices like coffee and cigarettes, and to make millions of dollars selling them with no regard for the lives destroyed along the way. But when a hardworking guy like me just wants to relax with a little pipeful of crystal meth, I have to skulk around like some kind of criminal. End the hypocrisy! Free the crank!

This shirt was designed by: Baltimore graphic-design guy Oliver Munday, who was born on a Tuesday, got wired on a Wednesday, lit up on a Thursday, got hooked on a Friday, and designed this shirt on a Saturday.

Wear this shirt: so you can just mutely point to your chest the next time you go into QuikTrip.

Don’t wear this shirt: very long. Someday soon, it’ll be illegal to even acknowledge that cigarettes exist.

This shirt tells the world: “I plan to be wide awake for every thrilling moment of my lung cancer.”

We call this color: Heather Gray Lung.

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