Why, yes, I am Chicken. Thank you for pointing out the bleeding obvious.

All I’m saying is that I don’t get the point of all this. There’s a crosswalk just half a block up the street, you know. I mean, I know those “Press To Cross” buttons don’t actually do anything, but the light’ll change eventually.

Geez, would you look at yourself? You’re just not happy unless you’re jumping out in front of a tractor trailer or on some crocodile’s back lately. This fascination with speed and risk you’ve picked up is dangerous, Ribbit, and it’s got to stop before you get seriously hurt. No one’s keeping score, buddy. Not me, not those drivers, and certainly not Lisa.

That’s right, Ribbit. You think I don’t know what this is about? Look, pal, she is GONE, okay? She left. She’s not coming back. You think she’s gonna come running back to you when you end up on the grill of a Volvo? You think she’s going to forgive the hell you put her through because you didn’t jump off a turtle fast enough? Is becoming roadkill your way of getting revenge at her for leaving? IS IT?

Fine. Go ahead. Throw your life away. You’re not going to drag me down into your dark little world of near-misses and watery horror. Maybe crossing the road is some kind of game for you, but for me? All I want to do is get to the other side. Jeez, and people call me a joke.

Wear this shirt: to “All You Can Eat” night at Freida’s Fried Chicken And Frog Legs.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’ve been hacking a ROM to make this version of the game a reality for months.

This shirt tells the world: “Sorry, but The Other Side Of The Road is in another castle.”

We call this color: There And Black Again

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