Sometimes it’s hard being the Elder God.

Hey, August! Yeah, IAO IAO to you too, buddy! Listen, I just wanted to remind you about the cookout today. Right, I was setting out the potato salad and I figured maybe you forgot so… oh, there’s a pasta buffet at the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s place? No, no, I understand. You gotta network, right? It’s hard in the publishing world these days. Listen, it’s cool. We’ll get together next week or something. No, no problem at all, I’ll save you a burger. Right on. Talk to you soon.

James! Jimmy! It’s Tulu! Yeah, I just wanted to tell you, we had a few cancellations, so if you’re bringing any soda… oh. The pasta buffet. Yeah, I heard. No, no, I had that cookout thing today, I hadn’t heard about… yeah, it’s okay you forgot. We’re old buddies, right? We don’t have to see each other all the time! Listen, you have fun. No, I’m not jealous at all. He’s brand new, of course he gets all the attention. Look, I’ll just get someone else to get the soda. Hey, you too. Okay. Bye, James.

H.P.! My man, my man! Sounds like you’re in the car! I knew you’d be coming, you’re like my very best…. where? Aha. Ahaha. You’re a kidder! Of course we’re talking about my cookout! But I’m gonna need you to stop and pick up a two liter of… oh. The pasta buffet. No, no, I wasn’t actually invited. Yeah, all the nerds are there, I bet. They used to be here. But now they’re there. Well, I guess… I guess have fun, I guess. Maybe I’ll just wrap up all this meat and freeze it. No, no, you don’t have to come by later. No, don’t, I mean it. I probably will just go to sleep early anyway. No, it’s not depression, I’m just… just overworked. Yeah, I’m just gonna hang around ph’nglui mglw’nafh tonight, maybe listen to A Prairie Home Companion. But, you know, say hi to everyone there. It should be a real event. Okay, H.P. Okay. Bye. Yeah, soon, right. Soon.

Wear this shirt: when you don’t want to be described. For example, it’d be great in a police lineup. According to the Supreme Court, turning away screaming in terror is not a positive identification. Not even in Texas.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you don’t want to take any calls.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m really not that good when you first wake me up, I apologize in advance.”

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