Cute But Evil

by Zachary Trover

$19.00 + free shipping

Color Black

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menace

Just like raccoons and children.

Dear Mrs. Honeycrumb,

I am writing ONCE AGAIN to tell you about the abysmal behavior of your unicorn. Oh, sure, I know you’re just going to fire back with the same old stuff: “Sparkles is an honor student and volunteers with children, Sparkles is saint, Sparkles stuck her horn in that hole in the dam and saved the western half of our state.”

BULLCRAP. Sparkles is a nightmare. In the past week, not only did she use her power of levitation to put my car on the roof, she also left a poo in my mailbox which is NOT FUNNY. Sure, it was mildly amusing when she TP’d our house with rainbows, and yes, we all had a chuckle when she threw golden eggs at the garage. But the HOA is hounding me to get the Camry down, and Bob isn’t supposed to do any heavy lifting with his bad back, NOT THAT YOU CARE.

We are neighbors, Mrs. Honeycrumb, and this is not how neighbors should treat each other. I hope you’ll see fit to take disciplinary measures with your wayward unicorn.

Also I would like my casserole dish back.

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