They seem to have it under control without our help.

Dear Diary,

It’s Day 148 of my time aboard the Steve Irwin, and I’m feeling a lot of conflicting emotions. We’ve recently stumbled across an incredible pod of whales. It seems as though there are several different species not only coexisting peacefully but actively feeding together and helping each other.

Also, they have somehow crafted weapons I previously assumed were only used by masters of martial arts.

When I pointed this out to Captain Watson, he merely shrugged and said, “Well of course. Guns wouldn’t work in the ocean.” When I mentioned that one of the whales had a cannon he just wrote up a press release saying the Japanese had shot him again.

I’m starting to wonder if my efforts here are effecting change in the right direction. I watched the whales decimate a whaling vessel with their spears and nunchaku in under two hours. The rest of the crew went topside to throw stinky stuff on the floundering sailors.

When I attempted to throw a life preserver to the Japanese whalers in the water, Captain Watson called me a traitor and issued a press release alleging I had strangled him with the life preserver. I’m now confined to quarters until we have a chance to dock.

I had no idea activism involved so many TV cameras.

Wear this shirt: While pitching your own reality show. In which you train whales for combat.

Don’t wear this shirt: Into battle with whaling vessels in Antarctic waters. It’s going to be REALLY cold; take a coat.

This shirt tells the world: “You idiots are worried about SHARKS?!”

We call this color: Baleen Battleground Blue

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