Little Darling, I Feel That Ice Is Slowly Melting
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
2nd place in Derby #78: Winter, with 927 votes!
If aliens ever come to Earth, and they aren’t the sort of aliens who were planning to gnaw off our heads with their little second mouths, the thing they will probably have the most trouble understanding is love. Because we all go through it again and again and again, and we can’t even figure it out for ourselves.
There’s the bold type of love that has you climbing precarious ladders to the sky, and the gentle type of love that makes you offer to walk someone’s dog on a rainy night. There’s the deep, passionate love that could ignite a blowtorch, and the selfish, irresponsible love that makes you not even care that you’re about to kill a dude with an icicle. There’s even a love that dare not speak its name, but since we dare not speak it we’re not even sure why we brought it up here.
You can love the past so much that you don’t want to go forward. You can love a future so much that you misunderstand. Love is a little word that can crawl down your throat, burrow in your stomach, pop out of your chest, bleed acid and then grow to nine feet tall and proceed to eat the entire crew one at a time. And who can escape from that? Not us, my sweet. Not us.
Wear this shirt: when you’re pre-dating. Read it aloud. Now try it as an agent noun. What do you mean you don’t know what an agent noun is? Look, just say pre-dater. Yeah, but not that Southern. More of an “or” sound. No, “oooor”. Look, it’s a simple pun you should be able to figure out from the context clues, I don’t know why you’re making it so hard for yourself.
Don’t wear this shirt: when you stand on someone’s lawn holding up a boom box that is playing Peter Gabriel’s “Biko”. Great song, but kind of a mood killer.
This shirt tells the world: “I’m the persistent sort. No, I mean in the ‘Cary Grant/annoyingly charming’ sort of way, not in the ‘four priors/had to leave the state’ sort of way.”
We call this color: All Navy is love, all Navy is love, all Navy is love, love, love is all Navy.
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